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Newly revised, featuring the most up-to-date research, effective strategies, and real-life stories
The spirited child—often called "difficult" or "strong-willed"—possesses traits we value in adults yet find challenging in children. Research shows that spirited kids are wired to be "more"—by temperament, they are more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and uncomfortable with change than the average child. In this revised edition of the award-winning classic, voted one of the top twenty books for parents, Kurcinka provides vivid examples and a refreshingly positive viewpoint. Raising Your Spirited Child will help you:
- understand your child's—and your own—temperamental traits
- discover the power of positive—rather than negative—labels
- cope with the tantrums and power struggles when they do occur
- plan for success with a simple four-step program
- develop strategies for handling mealtimes, sibling rivalry, bedtimes, holidays, and school, among other situations
- Sales Rank: #14446 in Books
- Brand: William Morrow
- Published on: 2006-11-28
- Released on: 2006-11-28
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x 1.12" w x 5.31" l, .83 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 496 pages
Features
Review
"The book will prove to be a real lifesaver." --Louise Bates Ames, author and association director, Gessell Institute of Human "Through excellent examples and easy-to-read text, this book provides parents with a pathway to understanding their child's temperament and to a place where parents can balance the needs of their child's unique temperament with their own needs and those of their family." -- James Cameron, Ph.D., executive director, The Preventive Ounce, Berkeley, California
About the Author
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Ed.D., is the director of ParentChildHelp. She is an award-winning lecturer and parent educator. Dr. Kurcinka provides private consultations and workshops nationally and internationally for parents and for professionals serving families and children. She is also the bestselling author of Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook, Sleepless in America, and Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles.
Most helpful customer reviews
34 of 34 people found the following review helpful.
An insightful & practical book - a view from a family doc & mother of a "spirited child"
By Nancy Lindo-Drusch
As a family physician and mother of four back in the early 90's, I was overwhelmed with my third child. He was exceedingly bright, but his behavior made me feel I knew nothing about raising children. I didn't understand why he had to wear a particular type of sock with the seam on top of the toes and refused to wear the others. Why did he take everything apart? Disciplining was a nightmare as he could wail through a time-out longer than we could stand it! Later, when my fourth child began to speak, her first sentence was "Daniel did it!" and that was the absolute truth.
It took a recommendation from my wise mother to get this book and realize I had a "spirited" child. She had heard an interview with the author on the radio and knew immediately that the descriptions of "spirited" characteristics fit Daniel to a T. (I was informed that I had been one, too.) As I read the book I was amazed how much sense it made. The positive attitudes and techniques suggested helped us as parents assist my son become the wonderful young adult he is now.
Through the years I have recommended the original book and its revised edition hundreds of times to my patients who have "spirited" children. They are always surprised and grateful to find out they are not alone and that this book can offer concrete ways to make life better for their children and their families as a unit.
If you have a child who is "more" you need this book!
41 of 43 people found the following review helpful.
It got better!!! We love interacting with our little guy now!
By MBM
This book has been SO WONDERFUL!!!!!!! I have the second edition from a year ago and it has tons of markings in it. So far, I haven't compared the two editions to see how different they are.
I'm so grateful for the tools and mindset that this book gave me. I felt punished every day for over a year. "Why did I have to get this child? I don't want this one. Take him back, please!" I also had terrible postpartum depression at the time, which made everything worse than it already was, plus my son had one of the five worst cases of colic I've ever heard of, and I've heard a LOT of stories of people trying to sympathize but being unable to even imagine the hell we went through in our son's first year.
(By the way, we feel like our son's nature contributed to the colic and other first-year problems, which is part of why the book has been able to help. He was persistent and knew exactly what he wanted, but he couldn't express it. His body is irregular but needed some degree of regularity imposed so he would sleep at all. He is very sensitive to how much sleep he gets. He is energetic and intense and could scream for three hours straight without falling asleep. He didn't know how to cope with big emotions in a little body, so he screamed more. But now he is two years old and really a joy.)
Now, we have a wonderful, curious, passionate, loving, interesting, smart, adorable little two-year-old.
The most helpful things were these:
1) The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child saved our lives first. It got our son sleeping AT ALL and then sleeping on a predictable schedule, which we all desperately needed. After he was rested, we could finally start working on other things.
2) Sign language. We started signing before he was even 8 months old, and it helped immensely. Our son is very spirited and knows EXACTLY what he wants. It was absolutely crucial that we were able to communicate with him to figure out what he wanted.
3) This book.
A) As I was pulling out of my postpartum depression, it was crucial that I reframe my thinking about my son. I loved the early chapter on using positive labels for our kids - determined instead of inflexible, curious rather than dragging his feet, spirited instead of hellish (yes, I did say that one), energetic instead of drives me crazy, and so forth.
B) The chapter on tantrums has helped immensely. He just turned two, which is when many people see tantrums. Not with a spirited child! Anyone with a spirited child knows that the "tantrums" -- the incessant screaming for three hours, the strength of a four year old when your infant hits you in anger -- start at birth. For months, several times a day, I have been using the author's suggestions for tantrums. Not only are her specific strategies helpful (hold him, talk him through it, name the emotions for him, tell him he doesn't have to deal with the emotions on his own) but also the mindset she describes. I don't know how many times I've told myself lines from the book:
--"He will be a WONDERFUL adult. This trait is difficult to parent, but it will make a wonderful adult and friend later."
--"This isn't a personal attack. He is overwhelmed with his intense emotions and needs me to teach him how to cope. He's not trying to punish me."
--"My child is in a spillover tantrum. I don't need to go there, too."
--"Stop and think, listen, talk to him. What part of his nature has just been threatened?"
C) Feeling less alone was wonderful. I hate it when the old ladies nod their heads and are like, "Yes, kids are difficult," and smile. My grandmas said that until they were around my son for more than two hours straight. Then they said, "Oh my goodness, does he EVER stop moving? No wonder you have him in daycare! You would physically break down and have no energy left if you tried to follow him everywhere." I love reading this book and being like, "No, my kid isn't a freak. He's just more spirited and energetic than most people can imagine, so when they say those trite, idiotic phrases, I can just let it go. They are talking about a different kind of child. My child is like five of their children. I can let it go."
All in all, I am SO GRATEFUL that the author wrote this book. It has really saved us.
And now, as he is turning two years old, he is better than ever. I promise, it's possible! I LOVE my passionate, intense, loving, curious little guy! He reminds me of myself and his dad (we were both spirited children). Our beginning was absolute hell, but with good tools, including this book, he has gotten better and better. On good days, I can't imagine a more perfect, wonderful child. Mary is right - we ARE the lucky ones! I can't imagine having a dull, uninterested, passive child.
Of course, on bad days, I want to drive to my parents' house and leave him there for a week. But we have tools now to work through it, and we're doing alright. Life is so much better now.
(p.s. do not feel guilty if you need to put your energetic, social child into daycare. I remind myself, "I take care of myself and do what I need while he's at daycare so that when he gets home, I can be the mom I want to be. Because he is in daycare and I am able to do my self-care, our interactions are positive mostly. If I were watching him at home all day, we would never have a single positive interaction in a day. Daycare supports his curious, energetic, social, sensitive nature.)
588 of 601 people found the following review helpful.
A Sanity Saver!
By Coco Rogers
I read maybe 15 pages of this book before bursting into tears of relief. At 16 months old, my son has never been easygoing or mellow, but as he entered toddlerhood, I felt like I was failing as a mom because I couldn't control him. I didn't understand why other kids napped for hours, slept through the night at 6 months old, and adjusted quickly to new experiences, while my son still wakes up several times a night, rarely naps for more than an hour a day, and shrieked in rage when he had to start wearing shoes or when he didn't like how his socks felt. Other books recommended a stern, inflexible parenting approach that just resulted in MORE meltdowns, MORE stress, and MORE frustration. Did I mention that "cry it out" was an unmitigated disaster in our house?
Finally, this book validated him, and my husband and me. He's not "bad", we're not failing as parents. He's just more intense, more perceptive, and more sensitive. It takes different strategies for us to be successful and calm than for parents of more relaxed children, but the book really focuses on how to do that, how to help our child be successful with daily life. There are many different levels to any given "spirited child", so this book's scope is not limited to a high-energy kid. Introverts vs. extroverts, energy levels, sensitivity, and so much more are covered in depth. This is not a book about excusing poor behavior, though. The parent is absolutely still the one in charge and still has to work with the child to ensure that they can be spirited and still be productive, safe, and enjoyable members of their family.
If you feel like you're constantly battling it out with your child, that you've lost control, and/or that your child is running you ragged, I highly recommend this book. Oh, you'll probably learn a few things about yourself, as well.
See all 486 customer reviews...
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